The Choice to Remain Childfree by S. Clark, U.S.A.

I'm so glad you are giving CMT people who have chosen to remain "childfree" the opportunity to express our views and share our experiences on this subject.

Growing up afflicted with CMT, coping with numerous painful physical problems and limitations, as well as observing the lifelong suffering of so many CMT-affected relatives (my mother, her father, my sister, aunts, cousins and others), I realized early in life that my physical energies and capabilities were not high and that CMT had very negatively impacted my entire family.

By the time I'd reached y teens, I learned that CMT was a genetic condition. None of my female CMT relatives had ever been given this vital information, so they were unaware of the genetic component prior to having children. I, however, was lucky to grow up in a more medically sophisticated era. This knowledge brought with it an increased sense of responsibility. Since the genetic rate of transmission in our family was almost 100%, the probability was high that my children would have CMT.

When I seriously considered the physical, emotional and psychological suffering this condition had caused me and family members, I knew it was impossible for me, personally, to justify burdening a child with CMT. I felt it was better to spare a child these heartbreaking problems. Therefore, in my early 20s, I chose to have a tubal ligation. I can honestly say it's the best decision I ever made and I've never regretted it for one moment.

I've been blessed with parents who supported my decision completely, although I realize this is not the case in most families. Unfortunately, I encountered harassment from a number of so-called "medical professionals" because of it. Whenever I listed "tubal ligation" on routine medical histories, I was insulted, interrogated and treated like a "social misfit" by physicians. On one occasion, I discovered extremely damaging remarks written about me in my records. I vividly recall one young doctor (female) who, when told about my tubal ligation, looked at me in utter astonishment and said, "You did THAT just because of CMT?" I tried to explain my decision but she didn't want to listen. Quite typical of the sort of ignorance I've encountered. So, I stopped sharing this legitimate medical information with doctors to avoid further biased judgments.

As a childfree adult now in my 30s, I've experienced society's "pro child" bias in its many forms. The idea seems to be that "we must all have children" no matter what the cost or consequences to ourselves or the child. In general, childfree adults, with or without CMT, who are fulfilled, productive and very happy with their life choices, are often misunderstood and criticized by other people. This unfair, one-sided attitude exists everywhere, including the workplace. When I was in the workforce, I noticed that my employer would often grant "time off" to employees who were attending to children's problems while piling the work onto those of us without kids (after all, people without children don't have lives, problems or responsibilities outside of work, right?). Extra piled-on work simply meant extra exhaustion for me at the end of a busy day.

Remaining "childfree by choice" is tremendously stigmatized by society, while having children has come to be a sort of "social prestige" badge of honour here in the U.S. Because of that stigma, and the relentless social pressure to have children, CMT women and men truly need to be supportive of each other, to listen to their own inner needs. It really helps to join a support group such as the Childfree Network based in the U.S. (with members in Canada also) which gives a voice to those of us without children and encourages the idea that we have a legitimate right to make this choice.

I feel strongly that family members should never pressure anyone to have children nor should they refer to childfree people as "selfish." I'd like to receive the same measure of respect for my choice as people who have opted to have children routinely receive for theirs. CMT people, especially, need to be honest with their spouse, family and friends regarding this issue.

Finally, it is important to remember that those of us without children are not childLESS; we are not "less" as people, and we should seize this unique opportunity to contribute our time and energy in fulfilling, creative, important ways to family, friends and the community.