Abuse
by B.D.
My daughter has been very angry at me for the past 10 years. She, too, has CMT and three children. My son thinks she is angry at me for giving her the disease and that she is definitely in denial. The home they recently purchased is two storeys with very narrow steps. Her children are all under the age of five and require her to carry them up and down these steps. Linda, it makes me wonder…have you ever run across the blame factor with any other people you correspond with? My medical doctor indicated such to me eight years ago when my daughter would get so angry with me and unreasonable, fly off the handle at the slightest provocation and pick a fight over the minutest detail.

I have stopped all conversation with her as it leads to her berating me. The last letter was six pages of how I beat her as a child. There is no way I could have physically perpetrated that, let alone having a desire to do so. It is a very frustrating situation.

My husband has not spoken to me for months. He said he can't handle the wheelchair thing anymore and would break it almost every three or four months with rough handling, smashing my hands, running over my feet. Because my son, aged 20, has taken it upon himself to take me to doctors' appointments and church, his dad has refused to talk with him, also. When I spoke with him again about this situation, he indicated that he is embarrassed about my disability. I don't know what he would have to be embarrassed about, unless he feels he married beneath him.

As you can imagine, I'm not having a very pleasant time of it right now. My parents are both dead and I have no living relatives. Our friends just don't understand how he can be so belligerent but are hesitant to get involved. He has been abusive verbally and at times has grabbed, shoved, pushed and slammed me around. Our son told him that he realizes I don't have the courage to call the police on him. I haven't for the past 28 years, but he has served warning that if George (my husband) makes a move towards me physically, he will call the police for me.

There have been times that my son has physically pulled George off me. Last year, Matt (my son) got caught up in an episode where I was shoving pain pills in my mouth, crying, all the time telling George I was afraid to take my own life. He just kept yelling at me, telling me I was a pathetic excuse for a woman.

There is so much anger in my home. We have been to counsellors in the past. The last two told my husband not to come back until he was ready to deal with his anger. He said they didn't know what they were talking about, that I am crazy. He is going to a counsellor now, but only once a month, and of course giving only his version. The counsellor is 120 miles away and I am afraid to travel that far as George will not stop for me to use the restroom when we travel. He is a real tyrant when travelling, and a very self-centred, selfish, belligerent man.

Divorce is so out of the question for me. I could never keep myself financially and my disability cheque is for $450 a month. My medications alone cost an additional $120 per month, and I don't know how I would survive on that.

I know that I sound weak, but I feel so caught between a rock and a hard place. I used to play the abuse cycle out to get to a calm place for awhile. It never lasts. I always manage to do something to make him angry, or if something outside the home makes him angry, instead of dealing with it there, he brings it home to me.

Keep up the encouraging words – you help so many of us.